"...here at the end of all things"

Ah! The semester is finally over, well almost, and as usual I am the world’s greatest procrastinator. Not only do I have this blog to write up I have:

• A 5 page paper on stress, that won’t be a hard topic I’m professional at that emotion
• A 3 page report on a scripture character who experienced stress
• Clinical and skills log for my clinical evaluations
• Write a 1 page paper on globalization
• Spend 1 hr and 40 minutes reviewing tests taken previously in the semester
• Trying to get both my recommendation report and inquiry letter passed in workshop
  
• studying for finals

Wow, it’s a lot worse when I stop and write it out. It actually makes it a lot more depressing.Of course almost all of these projects have been assigned from the beginning of the semester but when a teacher assigns something with such a far away due date you never start it until the week it is due.This reminds me of yesterday in my Book of Mormon class, we were discussing a talk given by Boyd K. Packer about debts and how there is no way justice and mercy can be met without a middle man (Jesus Christ).

This talk appeared in the May of 1977 Ensign titled “The Mediator.” Packer tells of a story where a young man borrowed more than he should and when the time came to pay the debt he didn't have the funds and was in line to suffer a horrible consequence. He plead with his creditor for mercy but the creditor demanded Justice. Through a middle man both parties were able to be satisfied and only through Him. The justice and mercy we are able to receive is not free. “The extension of mercy will not be automatic. It will be through covenant with Him. It will be on His terms, His generous terms, which include, as an absolute essential, baptism by immersion for the remission of sins (Packer)”. In my situation I am the foolish debtor who is ignorant of the fact that I will soon have to pay (finish assignments) and the teachers are my creditors who demand justice. In the school scenario there is no way for both mercy and justice to be satisfied without one of both parties suffering, but in an eternal perspective it is through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ was is able to accomplish receive these two gifts. I love that class, not only does it ensure I am reading my scriptures it is really nice to be spiritually fed at least three times a week. Last semester I didn’t sign up for a religion class and I could feel the impacts on my life. It was much more difficult to be in school because I wasn't as open to the spirit. I was being bad and only opening up for the spirit during church; once a week will never be enough.

Wow, that was a lot more spiritual than I expected that first paragraph to go, so onto a more vain and self centered portion—my life! So last week, or maybe it was two weeks ago—I can never remember because it’s flying by so fast, I’m starting to lose track of time, I had my giant nursing test and I didn’t do as well as I would have preferred. After that test I stopped doing homework and starting what I do best, procrastinating.

I watched the entire season 1 of Glee; everyone of the 22, 45 minute episodes in 1 week. I became an addict to the music, drama and whit the show had to offer. Even though I know every song they do is a cover, I still love to watch them perform. But luckily for me a miracle occurred, I was able to find motivation again and finish some the many projects I have glaring at me. I was petrified that I would never get out of that funk and would have to physically force myself to do schoolwork.

Oh and speaking of school—did I mention the feelings of hatred that I have aimed toward the school’s class registration system? Last night at 12:01 I should have been able to register for fall semester classes. Unfortunately at 11:30 the entire system seemed to be crawling through sludge. This happens every time I register, and every time it is just as frustrating. I kept trying to get into the system but it seemed to keep crashing so finally after an hour and a half of waiting and forcing my eyeballs to stay open I gave up and went to bed. The next morning I was able to wake up and register for everything I needed, this was really annoying because I could have been asleep by 11, but instead I was staring at a computer praying for the system to work.

I still can’t believe that the semester is almost over, I have been in school since the fall and I am so ready for the six week break. 1 year ago I was working 40 hours a week at the Paramount 5 and the Teton Vu Drive-in with my two best friends, Curt (1st picture) and Cole(2nd picture, with friend Kelsey)

These two are hilarious and are now the two cutest little nerdy missionaries. Curt in the the Denver, CO South Mission and Cole is in the Samara, Russia Mission. They both have been out since September 2009 so they are just about to hit their year mark. It is so weird to think that only last year we were staying up too late, playing games, jumping off of bridges, and working all the time. It was really hard when they both left in the same month because I had to go and rekindle old friendships. I have been writing them during their missions and it is amazing to see the difference just one year of service for the Lord can make. Both of them are seem so mature in their letters and excited about living the gospel. I hope their mothers will let me wait at the airport when they come home because I my boys.

Well I guess this is about the point where I have to wrap up my final blog. I have spent at least 7 hours in creating an account, writing the blog, and finding pictures to go in the blog. I have noticed that I feel different from when I started this blog. I have grown in many ways and have had a large amount of knowledge smashed into my brain. I hope I don’t lose any of it during the six week break because I’ve hit the point in my education where I can’t cram and binge in studying, everything I have learned I will need when I leave college.

Ah well not to be cliché and force my title form the Lord of the Rings into the closing of my blog, but “here at the at the end of all things” I can see that I need to stop what I'm doing. I need to start living my life as it’s flying by instead of waiting for it to slow down, because if I don’t stop and smell the roses I will miss everything.

"pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind"

I can’t believe the semester is almost over and I keep forgetting to post these blogs…oh well I guess this has become more of a once a month thing but if it takes me a long time to write each one then I’m ok. The nursing program is still as crazy as ever, this past week we had our big skills day and I wasn’t nervous about it until I walked into the testing room.

I felt fairly good during my test; I had to perform blood sugar testing and giving insulin to a mannequin. Right when I finished with my skill I looked at my hands and realized I had forgotten the most basic nursing skill, wearing gloves. I have never forgotten to wear my gloves when I’m working with a patient but when I was with simple mannequin the though never crossed my mind, I was so mad at myself. I think I ended up passing the test but I will hear back from my proctor later this week. After this test I realized that it has finally hit me, I’ve burnt out. I’ve been in school the past three semesters without any breaks and finally after almost 10 months of studying my goose is cooked. I’m ready for summer and a break from all of the homework I am constantly doing. This past semester I am usually awake by 6:30 AM and force myself to stay in the library until 10-11ish every night to finish all of the assignments I have piled upon me. It starts to wear on you and I’ve hit the point where I just need a break, I don’t care if all I do is stay at home the whole time as long as I no longer have homework.

But I guess that’s not entirely true either because the second school is over I have to throw myself into work, 40 hours a week at the movie theater and the drive-in. It is fun to be there in short quantities but I haven’t worked the 40 hours a week thing since last summer it just starts to wear on ya. While I’m in school my weekends are dedicated to working there and I’ve hit the point where I don’t want to go to school and I don’t want to work. I want to take up the life of a coach potato for a while. I’m so desperate for this life that on Wednesday night, the night after my big test, I spent my entire time watching episodes of Glee. I couldn’t move, I just spent all my time engrossed in what was playing on my computer instead of working on my assignments. I can’t keep this up I need to find a way to stay motivated for my last three weeks of school; it’s just so hard and I don’t want to do anything.

To top off my whiner-fest my best friend Megann is about to move away to Salt Lake to do her student teaching and leave me alone. We have worked together the last three years and now she is going to leave me to rot there all by myself and I just don’t like this one bit. Ah, I hate the point when you hit the wall and have to push on through it, and all you wanna do it look at the wall and complain about it, as if complaining to it will make it easier to get through. I need to be more optimistic about all of this, it can’t be too hard. I’m usually really good at finding the positive in situation, that is one of my annoying character qualities but today I just don’t think I wanna! Oh well, I’ll stop complaining, and just push through for the next 18 days of school!