"pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind"

I can’t believe the semester is almost over and I keep forgetting to post these blogs…oh well I guess this has become more of a once a month thing but if it takes me a long time to write each one then I’m ok. The nursing program is still as crazy as ever, this past week we had our big skills day and I wasn’t nervous about it until I walked into the testing room.

I felt fairly good during my test; I had to perform blood sugar testing and giving insulin to a mannequin. Right when I finished with my skill I looked at my hands and realized I had forgotten the most basic nursing skill, wearing gloves. I have never forgotten to wear my gloves when I’m working with a patient but when I was with simple mannequin the though never crossed my mind, I was so mad at myself. I think I ended up passing the test but I will hear back from my proctor later this week. After this test I realized that it has finally hit me, I’ve burnt out. I’ve been in school the past three semesters without any breaks and finally after almost 10 months of studying my goose is cooked. I’m ready for summer and a break from all of the homework I am constantly doing. This past semester I am usually awake by 6:30 AM and force myself to stay in the library until 10-11ish every night to finish all of the assignments I have piled upon me. It starts to wear on you and I’ve hit the point where I just need a break, I don’t care if all I do is stay at home the whole time as long as I no longer have homework.

But I guess that’s not entirely true either because the second school is over I have to throw myself into work, 40 hours a week at the movie theater and the drive-in. It is fun to be there in short quantities but I haven’t worked the 40 hours a week thing since last summer it just starts to wear on ya. While I’m in school my weekends are dedicated to working there and I’ve hit the point where I don’t want to go to school and I don’t want to work. I want to take up the life of a coach potato for a while. I’m so desperate for this life that on Wednesday night, the night after my big test, I spent my entire time watching episodes of Glee. I couldn’t move, I just spent all my time engrossed in what was playing on my computer instead of working on my assignments. I can’t keep this up I need to find a way to stay motivated for my last three weeks of school; it’s just so hard and I don’t want to do anything.

To top off my whiner-fest my best friend Megann is about to move away to Salt Lake to do her student teaching and leave me alone. We have worked together the last three years and now she is going to leave me to rot there all by myself and I just don’t like this one bit. Ah, I hate the point when you hit the wall and have to push on through it, and all you wanna do it look at the wall and complain about it, as if complaining to it will make it easier to get through. I need to be more optimistic about all of this, it can’t be too hard. I’m usually really good at finding the positive in situation, that is one of my annoying character qualities but today I just don’t think I wanna! Oh well, I’ll stop complaining, and just push through for the next 18 days of school!